Can Marriage Counseling Save My Marriage?
When relationships are ending and one partner wants a divorce, the other partner may be tempted to save the relationship. If there are children involved, it can be even more difficult to accept that a marriage is ending. You may try to save the marriage through marriage counseling, by pleading with your partner, or by putting your focus on the marriage rather than on yourself.
Sometimes, marriage counseling is a good option for saving a relationship. If nothing major has happened in the relationship and both spouses are willing to go to counseling, it may be a good option. However, if your husband or wife is certain that they want a divorce and do not want to speak to a counselor, you cannot force them to do it.
The best thing to do in this situation is to remain calm and try not to force the marriage to work. Focusing on yourself and your children is the best way to navigate a divorce.
Reasons For Divorce
Every marriage and relationship is different. The reasons for divorce within each marriage are also completely different. As it is such a personal decision, there is no way of knowing exactly why a person decides to get a divorce. There may be signs that your spouse was contemplating divorce prior to the announcement, or it may be out of the blue.
Some common reasons why one spouse may want a divorce include:
Infidelity
When your wife or husband tells you they have been seeing other people, it can be heartbreaking. Unless you are in an open relationship, most people in a marriage expect their partners to be faithful and maintain a level of trust. When one partner betrays this trust, it is difficult to get back.
If you were unfaithful to your partner, they may want a divorce because they cannot stay in the relationship anymore without this level of trust. It may be possible to work through this in discernment counseling. However, pushing your partner to continue the relationship can sometimes make things worse.
If your partner was unfaithful to you and now wants a divorce because they want to create a new life with another person, this can be extremely difficult. In these moments, it is important to know your worth and work towards your best self, through speaking with family and friends or therapy, if necessary.
Unhappy Marriage
Unhappy marriages are a leading cause of divorce. A marriage can become unhappy when there is no communication between the couple, one partner has anger toward the other or feels hurt, there is no physical intimacy, or both spouses have a different idea of the future.
When only one partner wants to make the relationship work and the other partner feels ready to move forward, it can be quite difficult. You may hope that you and your partner can speak and resolve issues through a counselor or that the relationship will become healthy again.
However, there comes a point when you should prioritize your own mental health and well-being and accept the divorce. You can use divorce or legal separation as a time to make positive changes in your life. If you have been in an unhappy marriage, it is helpful to engage in self-care and talk to family and friends about your issues.
Domestic Violence
Domestic violence and emotional abuse are still huge problems in marriages. It may be possible that your spouse wants a divorce because there has been abuse within the relationship or they allege domestic violence in the marriage.
If this is the case, it is important to contact an attorney as soon as possible. Allegations of domestic violence can upturn your life, and you risk losing out on assets if your partner files for a fault-based divorce.
Moving Forward With Divorce Proceedings
When the decision to get a divorce is final, take some steps to protect yourself and to get prepared for the proceedings. Failing to prepare for a divorce can lead to an unfavorable settlement. Being aware that a divorce settlement will affect the rest of your life and can massively affect your financial situation is key to a fair settlement.
Moving forward with a divorce and protecting yourself should include:
- Figuring out what you want from the divorce settlement, including property rights, spousal support, child custody, and assets.
- Making copies of all documents and paperwork relating to marital assets and property that you own.
- Seeking temporary orders for child custody, spousal support, and remaining in the family home.
- Seeking help from a financial advisor and legal professional.
- Creating a personal bank account and moving your own funds into this account.
- Changing the passwords on any personal accounts that your spouse has access to.
An experienced family law attorney can advise you on what preparations you should make when moving forward with divorce proceedings. The sooner you hire an attorney to prepare for a divorce, the better chance you have at getting a fair settlement.
Can Mediation Be Helpful?
When one or both spouses are being uncooperative, bringing in an independent third-party attorney to help mediate and settle any disputes involving children or asset division can make a lot of sense. The idea here is to help both parties come to an agreement on a middle ground, and hopefully hasten the divorce finalization when there is one spouse who may be trying to delay the process.
The goal of mediation is to come up with a Mediation Settlement Agreement, which is a legally binding document. A spouse who signs this document cannot later change their mind about the terms laid out in this agreement.
Contested Divorce
Divorces in Texas are either no-fault or fault-based. Most couples opt for a no-fault divorce as it is one less requirement to prove in court. However, if your spouse is alleging adultery, abandonment, or cruelty, they may file for a fault-based divorce. With a fault-based divorce, you risk losing out on assets or property, and may not get a 50/50 split for marital property.
Even if it is a no-fault divorce, it is unlikely that you and your spouse will agree on all marital issues. Most divorces in Texas are contested, and couples must mediate or argue in court to resolve divorce issues, such as the division of property, child custody, spousal support, and who gets to keep the family home.
In a contested divorce, it is better when couples can negotiate a fair settlement through mediation. Sometimes, a Judge can appoint a mediator to the case who offers independent advice to the couple. You, your attorney, your partner, their attorney, and the mediator will sit in a room and try to come up with a fair divorce decree that works for both of you.
If a fair settlement cannot be achieved through mediation, the contested divorce will go to trial, and a Judge will decide on these matters. Because Judges deal with so many divorces every week, they do not have the time to consider the individual circumstances of each case. Because of this, having an attorney that can petition on your behalf is vital.
When One Spouse Refuses to Acknowledge the Divorce Petition
Divorce is difficult enough when both parties are relatively cooperative, but if there is one spouse who wishes to avoid the divorce, the process could potentially stretch out much longer than necessary. The spouse might be resisting divorce for financial, child custody, or emotional reasons, but whatever the case may be, this situation can add tremendous stress to an already difficult process.
Ignoring a divorce petition is the worst thing you can do, even if you do not want a divorce. If you ignore the petition for long enough, your spouse can request a default judgment by the Judge and grant the divorce on terms that are not favorable to you..
By ignoring a divorce petition, you risk losing out on your property, assets, spousal support, and a fair child custody arrangement. It is quite difficult to get a default judgment overturned, so there is a risk of permanently losing out on assets you are entitled to.
If you receive a divorce petition when you were not expecting it, the first thing to do is contact an attorney. They will advise you on your rights and ensure you respond to the petition in a timely manner.
What Is a Default Divorce?
When one spouse refuses to answer a divorce petition or fails to appear in court, this is where a default divorce comes into play. Your spouse only has a certain amount of time to respond, and once this time is up you can ask a judge for a default judgment. However, it must be noted that you have to make every reasonable effort to get a response from your spouse.
How Default Judgments Work
Assuming that you and your attorney have made reasonable efforts to seek a response from the other party, and this spouse has ignored the divorce papers for whatever reason, you may proceed with requesting a default judgment from the court. As the petitioner who is seeking a default judgment to finalize the divorce, you must follow some steps and rules to finally get closure on this process.
After submitting the default judgment request, including an affidavit that confirms you have in fact tried to get a response from your spouse, you will also be required to submit some additional paperwork. This could include requests for child or spousal support, terms on child custody, or your wishes on asset division. Your attorney can advise you as to exactly what paperwork and forms need to be filed at this point.
When Is a Default Divorce Final?
Where a default divorce can get tricky is when the other party ends up filing an answer within the 60-day waiting period. This can be unexpected for the party who filed and may complicate matters to some degree. A default divorce cannot take place if the other spouse files an answer at any point before the divorce hearing begins.
Sometimes unforeseen turns of events such as this can take place during the divorce process, which is why it’s important to have expert legal support on your side. While a default divorce can often allow for a relatively quick and painless end to a marriage, sometimes the best-laid plans don’t work out as anticipated.
How a Divorce Attorney Can Help
Many people are reluctant to hire attorneys, as they believe that doing so makes the situation worse. In reality, hiring an attorney is the best way to protect yourself, your family, and your assets in a divorce proceeding. Without legal representation, it is easy to get caught up in the emotional side of divorce and agree to a settlement that is not in your best interests.
Regardless of what type of relationship you have with your husband or wife, an attorney will act as your protector and advocate. Your attorney can help you understand the divorce process, explain your legal rights, advise you on your entitlements, help you file documents on time, and petition on your behalf. During mediation sessions, they will represent your best interests and help promote effective communication.
The job of a good attorney is to make the divorce process easier for you. When you are not expecting a divorce, or do not want to divorce, the process can be a lot more difficult. Your attorney will manage the legal side on your behalf so that you can focus on your well-being and ensure that you can move forward with your life after the divorce.
