How to Know if I married a Narcissist?
If you are married to a narcissist, then you probably feel isolated and confused. Someone who once made you feel like you are the most important person in the world might now make you feel like you just aren’t good enough. If you are married to a narcissist, you may be considering divorce. But divorcing someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is notoriously difficult. It is often high conflict, and your spouse may try to manipulate the situation in any way they can. Although they are likely to act badly during a divorce, their actions are also predictable.
When you obtain representation from an experienced divorce attorney at Skillern Firm Divorce & Child Custody Lawyers they will protect you from being gaslighted and manipulated. They will know the set patterns of behavior that are likely to emerge and will know how to deal with them in a way that benefits everyone (including the narcissist!) Remember, how a divorce is settled could affect you and your children for the rest of your lives, so it is essential that the outcomes are not dictated by your spouse. When you secure representation from Skillern Firm Divorce & Child Custody Lawyers, you will have someone by your side every step of the way, someone with your best interests at heart.
Contact us today for an initial consultation at (832) 688-6606
Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Here are some behaviors that a narcissist may present. If your partner exhibits these warning signs, then they might have narcissistic personality disorder NPD, however, only a mental health professional can provide an accurate diagnosis.
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One of the most obvious traits of a narcissist is that they have an inflated view of themselves and are very self-absorbed. They may believe that no one is as smart, funny, or engaging as them.
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Manipulation is one of the key traits of someone with NPD. They may make subtle threats throughout the relationship, or you may simply get a sense that you need to do what they want you to do. It may feel easier to do what they want you to do, even if you don’t really agree with it. Narcissists have subtle ways of manipulating people to get what they want. People in this kind of relationship often forget what life was like before the manipulation started.
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While your partner may have been incredibly charming at the beginning of your relationship, you may now feel isolated. While they may have been eager to move forward in your relationship quickly, they have never actually asked about your plans for the future or how you can build the life you want together. Someone with NPD will constantly brag about themselves, and may not show interest in things going on in their life. Their source of happiness may lie in external things such as money, and prestige at work and their true capability for romantic love may be limited.
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Narcissists believe everything is always someone else’s fault, even if they are in the wrong. It will be difficult to get an apology from them, partially because they don’t consider other people to be on the same level as them. Taking responsibility for their actions will be incredibly difficult, and they will blame you for anything that goes wrong. If something goes wrong in their life, then it will somehow be because of you. This may leave you feeling like you can’t do anything right.
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Gaslighting is where someone denies things you know to be true. This is an emotionally abusive tactic that is a common trait of narcissistic partners. They may tell you that you just “don’t remember correctly” when you know something happened. They will make you believe things didn’t happen the way you thought, or that they happened because of you. They might tell lies about your behavior and twist reality so it fits their version. You might second guess yourself and feel like you’re going crazy. Your partner might even do this in front of friends and family members so that people begin to believe that the problem is with you.
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A narcissist partner will be critical of you. They might make comments about your appearance or clothes, or make fun of you and put you down. They may also make fun of others, especially people they consider lesser, i.e because they have less money or are less attractive. In general, they will be very critical of people.
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Their inflated ego will not allow them to handle criticism and they may become very defensive even with the slightest criticism. If you do make a comment, they might find a way to twist it. For example, if you make a comment about them not taking the trash out, they might make you feel like you are attacking them personally.
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A narcissist is usually a selfish person and they will only consider their own needs, and not you or your relationship together. Their only concern is how things affect them. For example, they might expect you to pick up after them, or they may want to have sex when they want to but not when you do. They could also favor certain children if that child makes them look better in social situations.
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If you are married to a narcissist you may have feelings of inadequacy. Your spouse might make negative comments about you or put you down. You may feel that you have lost touch with things you used to do because you just don’t have time for them. Perhaps you are feeling fatigued or down. You may find yourself lying or hiding things from your friends or family because you feel ashamed about things your spouse does or doesn’t do.
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Your spouse gives you the silent treatment to control you. They may withhold affection or ignore you until they get what they want. Silent treatment should not be part of a healthy, respectful, and loving relationship.
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You may feel like every conversation is an argument, even when you try to stay calm and avoid getting upset by what they say. They will know how to push your buttons and get you to react. Controlling others emotionally gives them a sense of satisfaction. Often it is easy to simply avoid the conversation completely, rather than deal with the mind games.
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If you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells because you can’t predict what mood your partner will be in, then this is one of the signs you’re married to a narcissist. One minute things seem ok, then suddenly they are in a rage. Even something small like someone else being recognized for an accomplishment might make them feel angry. You could feel like you’ve lost part of yourself because your decisions are now based on what will keep your spouse happy.
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Your spouse might be incredibly charming, and people like them. However, it is only because they are good at hiding their true selves when they are around other people. They say the right things, the things that may have also fooled you at the beginning of your relationship.
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You may feel like you can’t rely on your partner, as they make promises and won’t keep them unless it’s convenient. You may feel like if you want something done, you have to do it yourself.
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Despite the fact that your spouse is charming, there might be some people who see through it. You may have had people tell you they don’t like how your spouse treats you.
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Someone with NPD is usually a flirt and may have even cheated on you. They are very charming and know how to sweep people off their feet. They might also make you feel jealous by flirting with people.
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When you were first together, they made you feel like the most important person in the world, but as time went on, things changed. They might ignore or devalue you now, where they didn’t before, which may mean that how they were at the beginning of the relationship was not the true them. They made grand gestures at the beginning to get you hooked, but once you were, those gestures went away.
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Narcissists know how to take advantage of their spouses financially. You might be paying for everything because they can’t keep a job, or you might make a good wage but not benefit from it. Your spouse might spend a lot of money on themselves without considering you or your future together.
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The pressure to do right in the eyes of someone with narcissism can lead to low self-esteem, depression, and low energy. A narcissist feels most secure when their relationship looks good, but their partner is actually very needy and dependent on them. The narcissistic partner keeps their spouse in control through impossible demands, constant criticism, insults, and withholding affection.
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Someone with NPD isn’t willing to change, because they can’t admit that something is wrong with them. They usually believe that everyone else is the problem and even if you ask them to make changes, they won’t. Maybe you have tried couples’ therapy, but sadly, if you are married to a narcissist, it is unlikely to have been helpful.
How to Know if I Married a Narcissist
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A narcissistic husband may have some or all of the traits listed above. However, there are some traits that are more commonly seen in males:
- Males with NPD tend to be very self-confident and gain assurance from within.
- They are usually very charming and are naturally gifted at seducing people.
- Males with NPD tend to be eager to obtain money, whatever the cost.
- They are competitive and see other males as rivals.
- Male narcissists tend to cheat in relationships.
- They generally view any children as a nuisance and complain that they should have the attention over the children.
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A female will also have many, or all of the traits listed above, but women tend to display the following traits:
- Female narcissists tend to be obsessed with their appearance.
- They are good at seducing people and may use their appearance and bodies as a way to do so.
- They may constantly compare themselves to other women, and believe they are superior.
- Women tend to spend a lot of money unashamedly.
- They see children as an extension of themselves and believe they are to thank for the child’s accomplishments.
- Women may compete with other women for dominance.
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Although a couple may appear happy, the answer to this question is usually no. Once the initial loving stage of the relationship, there may be a great deal of abuse and tension. Not every couple involving someone with NPD is the same. However, in most cases, these relationships will involve a lot of arguing, and the person without NDP often being left feeling isolated and with low self-esteem.
Divorcing Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Divorcing a narcissist can be incredibly challenging, as every minor issue may result in a huge battle. This may result in the need for a lot of court involvement, which could cost you time and money. At Skillern Firm Divorce & Child Custody Lawyers, we are highly skilled in mediation and negotiation. We will work with you to find solutions wherever possible. We know how to deal with narcissists and will ensure that your interests and rights are protected. Here are some ways that we will help you to move your divorce along in the best way possible.
Create a Barrier Between You and Your Spouse
One of the biggest benefits of having a skilled divorce attorney is creating a barrier between you and your spouse. This will make it harder for them to manipulate you, as you will have an impartial and trained observer present to step in when necessary.
Prepare You For What’s Ahead
You will need to mentally prepare for what’s ahead. Especially as a narcissist may look to deflect their own insecurities and lay the blame on you. Your attorney will be a great source of comfort, and you may feel more confident when you have their support and guidance.
Contact Skillern Firm Divorce & Child Custody Lawyers Today
If your partner is emotionally abusive and unwilling to change their behavior, then it is time for you to consider divorce. Everyone has the potential to be selfish occasionally, but if your partner cannot act in any other manner, then the relationship is not a healthy one. There are long-term negative implications on the mental health of someone in a relationship with a narcissist, and it is essential that you have support and guidance from an attorney who understands the complexities of divorce and narcissism.
When leaving someone with NPD, you need a support system in place and at Skillern Firm Divorce & Child Custody Lawyers we are committed to providing this support. We offer legal advice and guidance while also lending a sympathetic ear when you need it most. We will ensure your future is protected and will help you feel confident in your life post-divorce. With our skills in mediation, we can help limit court involvement, even in the most high-conflict cases.
Contact us today for your consultation at (832) 688-6606
